FRANKENBLOG

I had a great time coming home for the holidays. This is mostly due to my friend Chuck, and his fairer half. The night before I left they took me out for a night of “All American” fun. We started the night off with a game of bowling. I haven’t bowled since I was in second grade, and I guess I haven’t gotten any better in my old age. I was startlingly bad. It was gutter ball after gutter ball as I assaulted the lanes. I got a bit better by the end, but only a bit. We had a fun time during though, Georgia, Chuck’s girly, is very funny, although she has got to stop judging me. Go ahead, judge other people, I’ll laugh, but when it comes to Danny, cut that shit out.
As Chuck and I are sitting, Georgia gets up for her turn, and he remarks to me “She looks hot on approach, and she has a cute butt” I responded “Yeah, she does, you think she’s single?” gesturing towards the nine year old bowling next to us. Sure it was gross, but it made Chuck laugh. I guess that he liked my joke so much that he wanted to share it with Georgia, because he then yells to her “So I guess Dan is some kind of PEDOPHILE!”. Obviously the family with the young girls bowling next to us were non-plussed.

After bowling, and merriment was had, we went to Casey’s for some all American cheeseburgers. They were delicious. Although Chuck liked his burger, he seems to have some sort of I.B.S. We had to make a stop at Georgia’s work so that Chuck could…use the facilities. During dinner Chuck, Georgia, and I talked about zombies, and what we would do if there were an outbreak. Funny enough, those two have a fully formulated plan for survival, it’s a really well constructed plan too. At Georgia’s work there’s a hatch to the roof of a strip mall. It’d a be a good place to ride out the outbreak.

So as we are heading back to my place I lament out loud that I would like to have been here on a Wednesday, because it’s amateur night at the strip club, and all of the EMU girls go there for some extra cash. I’ve heard that it’s a pretty funny time to go, as none of the girls are trained dancers. Georgia picks up on my thinking-out-loud statement, and says “We should go to the strip club!”. An “O.K.” arose simultaneously from both Chuck and I. She didn’t need to ask twice.

We arrive at Deja Vu, and go in. Georgia and I have to wait awkwardly in the entrance hallway as Chuck assaults the strip club bathroom.

Once in the club though, we all settle in, and start having a fun time pointing, commenting, judging, and laughing. Deja Vu’s slogan is “thousands of beautiful girls, and seven ugly ones”, I guess the thousands were busy. There was one girl who was really cute though, and Chuck, and Georgia urge me to get a dance, so with my arm twisted, I agree to have a young, beautiful, blonde girl dance naked for me. What was weird though, is that she’s a U of M student majoring in Chemistry, minoring in German. She was dancing to afford tuition. I guess that’s a common scenario, but it’s different when you see it for yourself.

She mentioned that she noticed our group pointing and laughing while she was on stage, and she thought we were making fun of her (we weren’t (with her)). When I told my group about this we all became paranoid, because it seemed as though suddenly all the strippers knew we were making fun of them. Then to exacerbate the problem I was trying to point out a particularly homely girl to Chuck, and right as I was yelling (over the music) “the girl with the PIG FACE” the music stopped, and Georgia shhhhed me and gestured behind me, there was a blue stripper SPYING on us! I was caught!

Overall, it was a great time, I really had fun with Chuck, and Georgia was much funnier, smarter, and prettier than Chuck’s blog let’s on.

Unfortunately, no pictures, because I kept forgetting my camera. Oh well, I’ll get some when they come to S.F.

Those kids at the U of M really know how to relieve end of term stress!

watch this!

This blows my mind.

We are getting closer and closer to circumventing the Uncanny Valley.

What is the future? When I think that 15 years ago, nobody knew what the hell the interweb was, I wonder, what will be common place, as I turn 36? Quantum computers? Space colonies? Meteor strike? Nuclear war? World peace? The second coming?

I wonder…

Now this guy knows how to do Christmas! Wake up baby Jesus, it’s time to fucking RAWK!

Click for Christmas!

Rock and roll little baby!

Why is it that Bill Gates is doing more for Africa, and H.I.V. research than the American Government?

http://www.truthabouttrade.org/article.asp?id=4894

This really makes me so mad. Watch this clip from O’Douchebag

I shouldn’t let this shit get to me, but when two guys get on tv, with a million people watching, and jerk off all over each other (figuratively) with super ignorant prattle, I just want to stab someone.

When O’Reilly’s guest says “You can see this happening in schools, we now don’t call it Christmas break, we call it winter break, as if people worship winter!” Well guess what douchebag, Christmas is a Pegan holiday! Jesus was born in March. What Christmas is, is a bastardization of the winter Solstice holiday. Why do you think we have Christmas trees!? NATURE WORSHIP!

UGH! it just makes me sick to think that something like 80% of America is Christian, and these guys make it seem like they are the oppressed minority. What? The Presidency, House, and Senate not enough?

This is why we need avian flu. Hopefully it’ll kill off some of these retards.

Let me set a scene for you all: I am sitting in my apartment, watching Quantum Leap, and eating a PBJ. It’s quiet, almost too quiet…WHEN SUDDENLY, I hear screaming in the hall. What could it be? I wonder. I put Sam Beckett, time traveler, and righter of wrongs, on pause. I venture out into the hall, the screaming continues. I realize that it is a woman yelling, so I spring into action, and run upstairs, it seems to be coming from the sixth floor, so I run up to the next floor. What if she broke a leg!? When I get up there, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. Victor, our maintenance man was trying his very best to detain a disheveled young woman, but he was losing the fight. She got away, and was running at me, full tilt. Victor yells “GET HER, SHE WAS TRYING TO BREAK IN!”. The lady, all ratty hair, and crazy eyes wasn’t slowing down, in fact she was gaining speed. I made a decision. I lowered my center of gravity, and tackled her. I thought that would be it, but the crack, or meth, or pcp that she was on was giving her the strength of twelve gorillas. She was mad that I knocked her down, she was like a woman possessed, hissing, and trying to bite. In-between her demonic rage however, she would sputter “Can I have a glass of water Guy?” or “Get me some water Guy!”.

Victor runs to meet me at the end of the hall, and is trying to help me keep her on the ground, but like I said, the drugs were giving her strength. She gave the two of us one hell of a fight, but in the end, Vic got her on her stomach, and he sat on her back. She continued to plead for water, so I asked Vic if he had her, and he replied “Sure.”. I went into my apartment wondering what I could give her to drink from, then I remembered that my mom had bought a gallon jug of water while she was here. I brought her the half empty jug, and she drank as if she had be traveling in the Sahara. She gulped, and gasped, and spilled water on herself. She drank about half of a gallon in fifteen seconds.

After she got the water, she was calm.

The police showed up about ten minutes later, and you could tell that they saw this same person every day. To the officers, Amanda, was just one of “them”. To officer Brown, she was just another one of the many thousands of wretched, disposable, thirsty, addicted pieces of human garbage in San Francisco.

None of them had any pity, and I don’t fault them, for if they did, their souls would become blackened with the dirt of hopelessness.