SCIENTOLOGISTS! Pt. 2
So I went into the church, (gorgeous old building, nestled in the heart of the cities banking district) and at the front desk was a matronly woman, perhaps in her mid-forties. she greeted me, and I mentioned that I was new to Scientology (I was playing dumb, hoping to see what their recruiting techniques were). She said “of course! Let me find someone to help you.” cue the beautiful nineteen year old girl. I was introduced to “Katie” who would be my guide, and would work with me on personality tests, and such. I am led around the first floor of the building (the second floor was gated off, and was guarded (no lie!)). I see all of these “codes of honor” and “creed of scientology” displays, laid out with metal brass letters on white marble. Then we learned about “the great!” L. Ron Hubbard. Yikes.
On to the personality test. Do you sometimes feel perturbed? Do you ever get confused? Do you cry after you masturbate? (just kidding) You have three options, I very much agree, I have no opinion, or I very much disagree. How scientific.
The test consists of 200 questions, and when I am done, I am told to find Katie.
I finish. I find Katie, and she “grades” my “test”. Of course I am deeply troubled, and depressed (according to the test). LUCKILY! THANK GOD! Scientology can be my salvation!
I have the “opportunity” to pay for a “life efficiency” course. Lucky me.
At this point, I am ready to leave, I tell her that I think that if Scientology really wanted to help everyone, they wouldn’t charge for help. A higher level employee hears this, comes over and introduces himself. This is feeling more and more like one of those high pressure time-share sales pitches. He takes a look at my “personality test” and remarks that I have amazing potential, and that He would be willing to hire me on the spot to become a Scientologist in training.
“If you were to work for the church” he says “you could take all of the courses for free!”
Interesting, they want me bad enough, that they’re willing to pay me to become a Scientologist…
“No thanks” I say, I then thank them both for the info, and I excuse myself.
Interestingly enough, she denied up and down the existence of Xenu, and she refused to tell me why people’s thetans are damaged. She told me that she would rather I learn about the “truth” myself.
I’ll pass…for now.
