My mom visited me! I’ve had a ton of fun, she has already seen the city and done the tourist thing on previous trips, so now she can just hang out. It’s been good to have her here, as my “swinging bachelor pad” had transformed into a “smelly couch fort”. Thankfully she has the design (and cleaning) skills to get me back on track.
Sorry about that picture, most of it takes place inside of my nose.
I was the kid who made the wrong decision. I bought a Sega Genesis, when I should have bought the Super Nintendo. All my friends were playing Mario Kart, and Earthbound, while I was stuck with Sonic the Hedgehog, and Vectorman.
Sad days indeed. There was one bright, shining light in the garbage heap that was the Genesis, that light was called Kid Chameleon. This game was soooooo hard, but in a good way. There was like a million levels, some only lasting a few seconds, some lasting many minutes.
The gist of the game is that you are a kid,
and an arcade game sucks you in, and tries to kill you. You fight back with the ability to put on different masks, that give you special powers. You go through the level, avoiding enemies, trying to get to the flag that will end the level.
There are two things that make this game great, one is the over abundance of hidden levels and secrets, and the other is the way that the masks change the dynamic of the game.
First you have the samurai mask,
he has the abilities to jump higher than “The Kid” and he also has a sword, that can either slash enemies, or break bricks below him.
Then you have the knight mask,
he has more starting hit points than any other character, he also can break bricks below him by jumping (although you have no control over whether or not the brick breaks, as it’s breaking under the armors weight, so you might accidentally knock the ground out from under you, and fall to your doom) and he can climb straight walls.
Next up, the berserker, the helmet kind of looks like a rhino head with ski goggles.
The only thing he does, is break bricks in front of him by ramming his head into them. I like him least, although he does have his uses.
I would say that the most bizzare mask is the “Homicidal Maniac” mask.
It gives you the ability to throw axes at your foes.
Another odd one is the Juggernaut mask
it allows you to pilot a grim tank, that fires and endless supply of skulls at dragons, and such. This mask is my second favorite.
Tied with berserker as the least fun mask is the fly mask. It gives you the exciting powers of: Being small! Running slow! Sticking to stuff!
fascinating stuff.
Next is the hover board mask.
it’s fun, but can be irksome, as you must constantly be in motion. It has the ability to turn gravity upside down.
On to cyclops. By far the rarest mask, this guy shoots out a beam that reveals hidden paths, and items. By and large, useless.
My all time favorite mask however is the “Spinning so fast I can fly” mask. This allows you to jump, start spinning, and then fly, oft reaching hidden areas.
One of the weirdest things about this game however, are the boss fights. They all are the same guy(s): Three identical floating heads,
which you must jump on, until their eyes pop out.
So I was thinking about this game the other day, and how much I missed it, and how cool it was, and I thought, I wonder if some crazy guy put the entire game on the internet. Thank goodness I can always count on the crazy guys on the internet to do stuff. I found the game, and a Genesis emulator to play it on my laptop. All of the pictures in this post were taken as screenshots of me actually playing this game on my computer. How cool? So cool!
Let’s hope modern wonders never cease.
So this is old news, but a funny story none the less. So my brohter Sam got married to a wonderful gal named Lauren (Lola).
The wedding was great, blah, blah, blah, beautiful dress, yadda, yadda, yadda.
ANYWAYS, at the reception, one of my sister Laura’s delinquent friends was hired to run the bar, which he did. At around eight, or nine, the party was running itself, and Peter (my step-dad) told the young man, let’s just call him Shmevin, that he was now done tending bar, and that he could go have some fun. Shmevin interpreted that to mean “grap two bottles of champagne, chug them, then act like an idiot for about fifteen minutes, then quick! pass out!”, and trust me, that kid passed out like it was going out of style.
What does one do, when they have a few drinks in them, and someone is down for the count? They balance shit on their heads, and take pictures!
Almost as soon as the fun had started, it was over. Rita, Laura’s mother took the stuff off Shmevin’s head, and told J.B. (her husband) to take him inside, and put him to bed. J.B. walks over and pats Shmevin on the shoulder “wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey” this prompts no responce from Shmevin. So J.B. gives himm a little shake, nothing. A big shake follows, again, nothing. We now realize that Shmevin is REALLY passed out. J.B. offers to carry him. He picks Shmevin up like a fireman, over the shoulder, and begins to walk him towards the stairs, leading to the back door. I, trying to be a good citizen, help by lifting Shmevin’s legs. Around the fourth, of six stairs, J.B. straining says “let go of his legs!” so I do. J.B. immediately begins to fall backwards (towards the concrete pool deck), so I grab the lapels of his tux, and because I can’t hold both Shmevin’s and his weight, they fall off to my right. This is unfortunate, as directly to my right, is the hot tub. Both Shmevin and J.B. are suddenly fully submerged in hot water (fully clothed in suits no less). Shmevin immediately wakes up upon contact with the hot water. J.B. is howling with laughter, 
people are taking pictures, everybody is gathered, pointing and laughing in chorus. Shmevin is confused.
After that, the reception began to wind down, Sam’s friends suggested that everybody go down, and enjoy a bonfire. That’s exactly what we did. Lola looked cute with her sweater and dress. She said “I’m only wearing this once, I had better get my money’s worth” she wore that dress the entire night.
I like it when I find some music that none of my friensd have heard. I like being the guy, in the group of friends who is always saying “hey, I’ve got this band that will change your life”.
Currently, I am enamored by four different acts, José Gonzalés the Scandinavian (I know WTF?) guy, who is his own band. Just José and a guitar, slinging riff, after riff, of sad, powerful, angry, uplifting, and occasionally confusing ear candy. The track “Heartbeats” is not to be missed.
In the same vein as José, is Elliot Smith. Just a guy and a guitar, kicking ass.
I also found a group called Minus the Bear, who has a fun, Shins-y feel, good stuff for everyday walking, and biking.
Briskeby a Nordic pop group. Kylie + Goldfrapp + Cardigans = Music that you love, but hate to admit it.
You should all either be currently using bittorrent, or the iTunes music store to get your new music. If you don’t know how either work, shame on you!
I feel like web comics are all the rage with the kids these days. I know I frequent at least four. I would like to introduce you to Natasha Allegri, a 19 year old from Tucson, AZ. She just happens to be the funniest and most talented person on the internet. Below is a comic of hers, if you understand it, and chuckle at it, you will greatly enjoy the rest of her work. If not, poop for you.
Click here for more Natasha Allegri
In stark contrast to my other classes, I am quite enjoying my copywriting class. My teacher tells me each class that my work is her favorite, and that I should become a copywriter. That’s nice and all, but I really want to be an art director. Art directors get all the cool perks associated with being in advertising, their wined and dined, and fought after. They get to travel to wherever the ad is being shot. 7up recently decided to shoot an ad in the virgin galactic space ship, the art director was invited to go along, the copywriter was not.
That however is neither here nor there, as one of my ads is going to run in the San Francisco Guardian! I wrote four copy ads for a nail salon in town, and they want to use them! I’ll post the pictures of the ads when they’re finished. At the end of this semester I will definetly have a book worthy of an un-paid internship. (Isn’t it sad that Goodby Silverstein & Partners told me “no, you cannot work for us for free”)
I wonder…If I were to become a copywriter, could these blog entries be used as portfolio pieces? I feel like they are well written, and occasionally funny…
I was supposed to go on a date with my guitar hero tonight, but she canceled, as it is her friends birthday tonight. She did however wish to reschedule for friday, so I don’t think she’s giving me the brush-off.
CRAP! crapcrapcrapcrap I just realized as I’m typing this that my mom is coming to visit in 2 days. that puts her in direct conflict with the jukebox hero! Plus mom is staying at my place for 6 days… Hmmmm… This will take some clever strategy.
Anyway, I think that’s about it for me, now what should I post as a picture that will sum um this article?
GOT IT! A MATHEMATICAL PUZZLE!
So,
Halloween was pretty much a disaster. I got ready over at coffee girl’s house, as we were going to go to the Castro in a large group. It was Coffee Girl, her roommate, and me. We were going to meet up with other people on the way. Getting ready was fun, but her roommate pre-partied a little too hard, and was passed out by the time we were ready to go. So C.G. and I are walking to the bus stop, when she tells me that everyone else has canceled (it’s a trap!) and she also asks me “would it be o.k. if you just were with me tonight, because I thought that we were going to be in a group, but since that isn’t happening, would you just be my date for tonight?” I reply with “I’m not going to go and be bawdy, and try to fuck anything that moves, but I’m not going to be “with you” with you” she says thats fine.
We arrive at the Castro, and I’m already in a bad mood, as I had to take a cab there because the busses aren’t running there anymore. I have no more money, I have C.G. attached to my arm, and I am seeing the sluttiest, nakedest, greased and ready, women saunter past me, looking for a man. Maybe next year I think.
Things then go from bad to worse when C.G. says “Hey! Let’s make out!”. Now I have broken up with this girl like three times. I want to be her friend, I just don’t want to be her boyfriend. So I say “No, that would be too…Much” I feel a fight brewing, as she continues to try and convince me, and I continue to turn her down. Suddenly she says “You should go, have fun, chase girls” and as much as I’d like to do this, I think that a pretty girl with a few drinks in her, just isn’t safe in that situation. I say “No, just watch the people go by, enjoy the costumes” (that’s what I’m trying to do) with this she just picks up and goes running.
Grrrrrrr… I have to chase her now, and make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble.
So here I am in a vicar’s outfit chasing a harlot through San Francisco. Wow, turns out she’s a runner, I am just about dying after running flat out for ten straight blocks.
Finally we get to her apt. and the night is over, I then go home.
HAPPY GODDAMN HALLOWEEN!!!
I am immolation, I am crushing weight, I am acid.
I can’t deal. I am dying! I am paying to go to classes that I hate. I don’t use this word lightly, I am a pool of pure loathing. My disdain for everyone in my classes is literally pouring out of my eyes, ears, and mouth. My teachers are hacks, they don’t inspire me, they frighten me. They tell me what the real world of advertising is, a diluted, safe, politically correct, lowest common denominator, world. I feel like if I try to do anything different, or I work at doing something new, all I get is “Ummmmm… I don’t know…I think it just neeeeeeeeeeds….something!” Well, thank god I am paying you for that Teach!
Then someone puts up a fucking “INSPIRATION” poster, with an eagle, and a mountain, and he says “Brilliant! You really tapped into an emotional aspect of this ad. Good work.” I am going to die.
Do I hate these people enough to change my major?
Is this my fault? What am I doing wrong? Should I go get a stock photo of an eagle, and a mountain, slap a line on it like “People say you’re middle aged, well when you get back from this trip, you can say that your real life is just beginning.” and get the A? He would LOVE that shit.
Goddamn it all!
